Paris meets L and The Noise

We set off for our Paris preview; the big trip before the move in the new year. That’s me, Amanda, the generally-genial-until- pushed-too-far husband, E, seven year old winsome, well-behaved daughter, L and saving the messiest til last, toddler boy, R, A.K.A The Noise, who brings new meaning to the term nuclear bomb. Yes, lucky that he’s forever complimented on his saucer-like, dark brown eyes, framed by lashes mascara dreams of, BUT – and here’s the thing – you take your eye off the ball for what, 10 seconds and he’ll have thrown apple juice in your face, drawn all over the curtains and clambered up onto the armrest to drop popcorn on the person behind; just three of the less chaotic incidents that happened on our Eurostar journey. The family carriage was full of unsuspecting businessmen who tried not to look too horror-stricken as we made our dramatic arrival. The Noise flung himself around the carriage, screeching. I decided medication was the only way forward and made my way fast as lightning to the bar for wine supplies. Didn’t they used to put brandy in babies bottles? Has anyone tried that – does it work? The cold Chablis gulps from a plastic cup were marred initially by a strong vegetarian stench. E and I played the Your Turn pointing game, which I swiftly lost when his iphone rang at the perfect time. Nappy time. Oh happy days.

Paris and a slice of heaven in our ‘HOW much?!’ hotel. I was confident I’d pulled off a corker with a suite in a delightfully plush, pretty, perfectly located place to stay until E reminded me that the Euro to pound was almost one-to-one so my awesome suite deal at 450 Euros a night meant we now need to re-mortgage our house before the move. Like that’s possible in the current negative equity climate. Not sure double negative equity’s workable. Anyway, I cheerfully remind E that breakfast has been thrown in. He remains ashen faced. Our ever-depleting finances take a further plummet when we realize L has her big school meeting today with only Mary Jane Crocs to wear on her feet. And it’s been raining. The children’s store in the Marais district sees us coming when the only boots that fit L’s dainty, skinny ankles are, we learn at the cash desk once the visa debit has gone through, a whopping 135 Euros. She’ll have to have her feet bound. My French needs to improve. Fast. The store was called Petit Bourgeois.